Single, young mothers and dating

Things have changed since Teen Mom became a "fad." Single, young mothers now are all along the map and hiding in all the nooks and all the crannies of the dating scene. Chances are you know a few single, young, amazing mothers out there--juggling so much work it's unbelievable and playing good, young, fun and wild. 

Beware! I tell ya! We're in a class all our own.

Single, young mothers and dating:

1. The club and the whole bar scene is jaded and kinda tacky. 

We moms are extremely familiar with a life different than the other 24 year old targets in skimpy tops, bellies without "stripes," too much makeup on and 6 inch heels with unnecessary straps. However, just because I am a single mother doesn't mean I don't want to feel and be sexy, too. We moms look for someone that can make us unreservedly happy. And someone who could possibly be important to our child(ren). We're the dater looking for dates for our children, really. So who is truly looking for a possible father/mother figure out at the clubs and bars? Exactly. Yeah, I'm all about having a good time, living free and being crazy-wild; BUT I have too much to live for, to die. I'm a responsible mother who wants, who needs and who is capable of so much more. 

2. When to bring up "motherhood" in conversation:

You meet someone that just so happens to be a complete stranger, maybe even an old friend, just someone that is oblivious to your child(ren)--they spark your interest and you hit it off really well... There comes a point when you're going to need to talk about the true love of your life. For all the readers in the world, there is no right or wrong way to start out this subject. 

Some mothers will tell you RIGHT AWAY--here I am, love me or leave me alone, mamas. Some are sluggish at the base--oh, you did know? I'm a mom... Some are like me--I am me and I am amazing and I am a-mama-zing. 

It doesn't matter how the conversation erupts, it just has to. And in that instant you are putting yourself out there, to be judged and profiled as someone's preference or an option. That's some heavy stuff.

3. When you both establish a bond, or a routine, or a rhythm. When you both realize that this guy could be worth a try into something deeper. When it's time you both want and decide to take the next step. "Facebook-official" shit. The boyfriend & girlfriend talk. You know that middle school flirting. And "check yes or no" notes. All that jazz.

4. This chapter is strictly an optional precaution. At this point, depending on the relationship you have with your child's father, you both agree that this new man in YOUR life is appropriate for being a man in YOUR child's life. 

5. The meeting and lesson. (Meeting the family, the parents, the friends--everyone first degree in your life so they can make judgments of character you were too lovestruck to see.)

6. The final exam: the moment and the time spent together has brought you here. The day/event you plan an introduction between the two halves of your heart. It's easy for children to open so freely and love so vulnerably. But this is important because this is for you. This marks the step between winter or just a stroke of wind. 

7. Love! When it gets to the point of love and wholehearted, unconditional love. That's the moment when you know he is capable of loving your child with all that he loves you with.

Edited Version 
Things you should know about dating and a single, young mother:

1. We like to be and feel sexy, too. Compliment away. Flattery will get you far.

2. You will always only be second best. Just because she doesn't tell you that, doesn't mean it's not true. Yeah, you do make her incredibly happy. And yeah, she loves you. But you have to be alright being number two.

3. Her time is limited. There are always a million things to get done and she has to juggle it all--baby, work, errands, sports and rec, friends, family, you. When do you think she get a minute to herself?

4. We never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever times infinity, want to hear things like: 

"We'd be perfect together--too bad you have a son." 
"It's too bad you have a son, or I'd ask you out myself."
"In and outed her, too bad she has a son..."
"Chick has a kid, I'm not about to get all into that."
"Did you breast-feed?"
"Your boobs are so soft."
"Are your boobs shrinking?"
"You're boobs are still amazing after breast-feeding." 
"Did you tear?" (EXCUSE ME?)
"I didn't know you were a milf."
"You're a milf."
...or anything with "milf" in the sentence.
"You can have my baby..."
"We'd make a beautiful baby."
"Can you get a babysitter tonight?" (Any time after midnight.)

5. Not all of us are a horrific episode of Teen Mom, kind of train wreck. 

6. There is a reason why we're not with the baby's father. Don't think you already know what it is.

7. We. Are. NOT. Easy.

8. We still have dreams and goals and beautiful, amazing things we want to see and do. Don't judge us for expressing these things to you. 

9. Some of us try really hard to NOT use our baby voice/talk in bed ;)

10. We are capable of loving so amazingly, to a point you have yet to see, because we're aware of the love we have for our children. 

xo
​Paulina Tuy